The following is a message to individuals in need of recovery from a family member & friend of mine. Please share it with those who you feel may benefit from it so they can see there is hope for a better way. ~ Scarlett (SASSI Training Director)
“I know there are some very special people out there still struggling with addiction so I’m going to put this out there for you all to see.
I loved doing meth. And I am not going to rewrite my story and pretend that I did not. Meth made everything quiet. The pain, the fear, the memories, the shame. Meth gave me the energy to keep going when my entire life was falling apart. Until eventually, I was not getting high to feel good anymore. I was getting high because I did not know how to exist without meth or other drugs. My entire life revolved around them.
Where I was going to get them.
How I was going to pay for them.
Where I was going to sleep.
How long until I got sick.
How was I going to get more meth to get back up again (Already thinking about that before I even ran out ~ if you know, you know).
I lived in my car. I slept on sidewalks and trap house floors, and I was totally content with that ~ because it was normal, right?~. I put myself in dangerous situations and let people treat me in ways I never thought I would tolerate. I even left the hospital while critically sick because getting high felt more important than staying alive.
That is ADDICTION!
Watching your entire life burn to the ground and still choosing the thing that lit the darn match.
But on January 5th, 2015, I stopped running. Recovery did not magically give me a beautiful life. I had to build one. I learned how to feel without getting high. How to survive bad days without destroying myself. How to love and be loved. How to become someone I actually wanted to be.
So to addicts from an addict, the woman who once slept on sidewalks and trap house floors now helps other women get sober. I went back to school. I built a career. I built a life I never thought I would live long enough to have. And in 5 months I will have TWELVE YEARS clean. And of course, my GOD gets all the glory.
I loved meth for what it made me forget. For the billions and trillions of dopamines that it gave me and for the energy it gave me to get through my everyday life. Let’s not forget the 5am energy that it gave us to sort tiny little objects like paperclips, coins, or beads by shades of color or size for hours on end (we don’t ask why and we don’t judge over here). Meanwhile over there somehow, we have no energy to put back any of the 50,000 projects we’ve tore apart and started knowing we’ll never finish them (but hey, sounded like a good idea at the time) again ~ if you know, you know.
But I love who I am without it so very much more.
I see you, I love you, and I am rooting for you!”
Amy Jo Korvela Canfield
CelebrateRecovery.com

